neptunain:

christmas is so much worse as you get older it’s like “what do you want this year?” “a sense of purpose”

hippiebabysitterr:

today i heard 2 kids talking about buying fake IDs after school and so i started eavesdropping cuz u know thats big kid stuff and then one was like “yeah but is all this really worth it like im pretty sure the fake IDs cost more than the fish we r gonna buy”

to buy fish at petco u have to be 18 or older

they were going to get fakes to buy fish

(Source: lohnerism)

REBLOG PERMALINK lmaoalien:

 
REBLOG PERMALINK

oeuniverse:

In order to become the supreme adult, you must perform the seven wonders:

  • Public speaking
  • Not being afraid of teenagers
  • Calling the doctor yourself
  • Taxes
  • Arguing without crying
  • Having a normal sleep pattern
  • Having an answer to the question ‘what do you want to do with your life?’
REBLOG PERMALINK theraginazian:

desmond-the-creppy-bear:

srsfunny:

Soft rocks…http://srsfunny.tumblr.com/

can you imagine though
you send your enemies a rather large amount of these in various sizes. you leave no return address or explanation. they open all the boxes to discover these wondrous pillows. they are reluctant to keep them but eventually they give in and integrate them into their home like the above pictures. after a few weeks or even months, theyve gotten accustomed to having them in their home and routinely relax in a large pile of the odd pillows. until one night you just take every single one back and replace them with actual rocks of the same dimensions so that when its time for them to relax and unwind from their day day fall into a pile of hard unmoving boulders. they break their spine and are paralyzed. you have won

What the fuck is wrong with you…
REBLOG PERMALINK fuck-benedict:

maplehoofs:

fuck-benedict:

I JUST WANTED TO SING THE ALPHABET I DIDNT ASK FOR THIS

Ironically, what you wanted instead was the D.

get
out
REBLOG PERMALINK flowergirlrobichiko:

thecatsmustbecrazy:

special delivery

BRING ME SCHRÖDINGER’S HEAD

plightofthevalkyries:

Do you ever write a line that just makes you sit back for a second and go

hot damn

I wrote that

that line is so good

if I was a famous writer hipsters would probably get that tattooed on their biceps, that line’s so good